Maybe I'm thinking too much. Maybe it is true.

I feel that perhaps it has influence from my childhood.

As the usual types both my parents were busy people. I was taken care of by a nanny from dono age what until what age lah. I always find things to entertain and amuse myself when I'm bored. Playing with alot of things I shouldn't even be playing with, getting into trouble over alot of mischief and etc etc.....

But when I start growing older, I realize people just don't want anything to do with me at all, especially in primary and secondary school and I think even ITE too. I was like the outcast in every group. Nicer way to put it I was the unique and more independence one. I meant I have friends. I am friends with alot of people and I also have quite a few close friends too. But at the same time I was like in my world own seeking my own pleasures and stuffs like this. I was friends with everyone and got no enemies. But did I also forget to mention that when I was friends with everyone and no enemies at all, at the same time I was also Not very close to them?

Yah so I got friends and got no enemies I should be thankful and happy. But I am Not. Why? Simply because whenever they eat or chat or do group work they always have their own clique of members close to them outside school and inside school. So yup I always got those who are not so nicely put also left outs. But I am grateful too cause they always are a bunch of good people to hang out with ^_^.

But as I grow older I feel more and more isolated (ps mainly because I think its my acne lah waiting for it to heal day by day -_-") or what lah I dono. I have close friends and they are also as busy as ever. I don't expect them to be around me 24 hours a day. But at days like this I just feel lonely......Like I been strip of a life when severe acne hits me and my face. I am still trying to accept the fact that I got it and what I can do now is sleep early, drink water, eat healthy and most importantly eat the meds doctor gave me. -.-

I feel that I have always been living in my own world so I don't get hurt or let others have a chance to hurt me. Not that my childhood was very problematic, but I got a very very long story to tell. I know some of you might say, who doesn't got a story to tell? Its the way you looked at it and how you're gonna deal with it. I know that too. I've always been seeking for something. Something to fill up that void. But Not love of course from bf. Cause I don't have the confident in myself that I won't hurt him or myself too.

But today I finally found him. His name is God. Creator of this earth/heaven and all things beautiful. He is glorious and majestic in his own words and himself. I am Not trying to be one of those christain that goes around preaching the words of God or my story to anyone and everyone. I choose my audience and listeners too. I just wanna hereby declare I finally found him after so long and so many years of seeking for it.

I'm still learning. Still growing. The road before me is long and bumpy with some smooth days which are like once in a million, cause everyday is different in its ways. But I learn. I learn with Him cause He will be the best one to go to for advice/comfort and when I'm sad/happy/shock/lethargic. He and only He will be thee only one who is 24 hours a day there for me even when I sometimes do things to hurt him or neglect Him. He will Never ever leave me in the lurch and me in the dark to feel and bump my way around for long. He will show the light to me and guide me out of the darkness bit by bit, step by step. And for that I am so grateful to Him for Never forsaking me even when I become this person which I don't even know who I am anymore.

Thank you God/Jesus. In christ name I pray and say Amen to you.

Ciaos.